The irritability, pain and fatigue associated with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue immunodysfunction, and chronic myofascial pain from trigger points can easily degrade relationships. While no one would look forward to dealing with these illnesses, and they do empathize with you, the last thing they want to hear is complaining. So how do you get your point across when you feel lousy and don't feel you can keep a planned date or make a long awaited get together? For that matter, how do you let a loved one know you truly do not feel like fixing dinner or engaging in any meaningful conversation? Ask yourself, "What is my end point?"

People like to surround themselves with others who make them feel better, and they should. Pick a hero and really look at what their behaviors are. What is it about this person that makes you like them? Unlikely, you would put someone on a pedestal that is a real downer. Pity is NOT what you are looking for. What we all want is respect and admiration. Both of these attributes are earned, not given. A normal reaction to chronic illness is to become angry, so get angry, but don't stay angry! You may isolate yourself from others because you feel they refuse to understand, they don't understand and never will, accept that! You must move on through the process.

Rules for building supportive relationships

• Keep information regarding your illness basic.
• Avoid feelings of isolation. (See Promoting Awareness and Supporting Advocacy)
• Keep your support structure trustworthy.
• Do not use your support system as a place to vent negative feelings.
• Provide each other with positive stimulus. When you need it, ask for it.
• Maintain a balance of friendships with others who are not sick.
• Once you have identified a strong support system - maintain it!
• Don’t expect others to read your mind.
• Be patient, and keep whining to a minimum.
• Identify and act on planning activities or outings. Everyone, even the chemotherapy patient, is able to make it sometimes.
• Write down your needs and let your loved one know that you are accountable. Fatigue, irritability, agitation, and forgetfulness are symptoms of your disorder. Assist your helpmate in recognizing your patience may run out too quickly, regardless of how much you wish otherwise. Theirs probably will too.
• Let your partner know you may need a reality check from time to time and that you are okay with that. Then BE OKAY with that.
• You rule the pain. Don’t let the pain rule you.